You Can't Bring Me Down

WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON AROUND HERE!?

Just cause you don't understand what's going on don't mean it don't make no sense
And just cause you don't like it, don't mean it ain't no good
And let me tell you something;

Before you go taking a walk in my world
You better take a look at the real world
Cause this ain't no Mister Roger's Neighborhood

Can you say "feel like shit"?
Yeah, maybe sometimes I do feel like shit
I ain't happy 'bout it, but I'd rather FEEL like shit than be FULL OF SHIT!

And if I offended you, oh I'm sorry...
But maybe you need to be offended
But here's my apology and one more thing...fuck you!

'Cause you...can't...bring...me...down!

If you're friends with me on Facebook, you know that I've been training every day for the past 11 days, and have put in a few two-a-days here and there.  Every workout has been performed 'by feel' with no plan aside from going in and doing heavy triples, doubles and singles.  Every day, I have lifted within 85-100+% of my 1 rep max on big, compound movements.  You'd think I'd be tired and sore, that I'd feel overworked.  Isn't lifting 3 days a week optimal?  Aren't I overdoing it?  Nope.  Apparently, that couldn't be any further from the truth.  BEHOLD:  Deadlift milestone and me being a badass:

Time and time again, negative people have stepped in to tell me that I can't do the things that I want to do.  I'm not built to be strong, I should just work on "getting toned".  When I began powerlifting, I was told (by the manager at one of the gyms I go to) that I would be one of those guys who hurts his back picking up a 45lb bag of cat food.  I've had a ton of set-backs, I still suck at benching and people still can't tell I lift weights; I have only once previously pulled such a heavy deadlift and I couldn't lock it out.  Of the 20-30 attempts I've made at 315lbs, two have been even moderately successful.  Here I am, 11 months later, training every day, pulling 315lbs and performing probably THE most manly barbell lift known to (well) man, the Zercher, without so much as an ache in my body.  I have made it my immediate goal to deadlift 335lbs and I'm going to accomplish it by throwing up my middle finger with a resounding "Fuck you." to anyone that thinks that you get more from life by doing less challenging work.

Ummm.  NO.

Getting better at anything, whether it's playing a musical instrument, cooking, writing, speaking, reading, running or lifting, requires HARD WORK.  It might not be fun, and in a day and age where everyone is told that there's a right way and a wrong way, it may take a LOT of trial and error.  You might have to fail at something a thousand times to get it right even once.  If you pussyfoot around, trying to "optimize" your diet/workout/life without going balls-deep when it comes time to get shit done, then you probably won't accomplish much more than you have already (unless someone else does the work for you).  Stephen King said that: "Talent is cheaper than table salt.  What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.", and Stephen King is one of the most prolific writers of our time.  He probably doesn't lift, but he knows what he's talking about; he's penned over 50 novels and you've probably only heard of a handful of 'em.  To become one of America's most celebrated authors (even by people who don't read), he had to write his ass off.

Carrie, The Shining, Salem's Lot, Misery, The Green Mile, Stand By Me...Do any of those ring a bell?

It's hard to maintain a positive attitude when you seem to be at a grind, while the seemingly more successful folks around you graciously offer their advice (which may or may not even apply to your unique situation).  They rarely pull out the rug and tell you that you just aren't working hard enough because they probably don't work very hard, and they can't take credit for your hard work.  They've always got some special way that YOU need to follow to become successful or to perform on a higher level.  Usually these kinds of people end up as managers at fast food restaurants or retail stores, living unfulfilled lives and having bad sex with ugly, passionless people like themselves, while they collect a meager but secure paycheck.  

...Yeeeah.

While you should generally look to people who're better at what you're trying to do for advice, there is rarely any one BEST way to do something.  Sometimes you've just gotta bust some nuts and put your life on the line to achieve your goals.  Sometimes thinking outside of the box makes you look like an idiot...PRIDE BE DAMNED, I'd prefer to feel like shit rather than be FULL of shit!  If you're trying to figure out what works for you while Negative Nancy tells you to relax and do less work, remember what Mike Muir said:

Just cause you don't understand what's going on don't mean it don't make no sense
And just cause you don't like it, don't mean it ain't no good

Why You're Still Out Of Shape (pt. 3): JUICE FASTING!?

Have you ever felt like things were just clicking into place?  Have you ever had a day where everything was perfect?  Neither have I (Hah), but today comes pretty close as far as blog material goes.

Me writing this article.

I present to you an actual Facebook status that I butted my nose into.  You can argue that I should keep out of other people's business, that I should let them do what they're gonna do because this is MURICA.  I would argue that I don't care what you have to say.  Candor is hard to come by these days and I consider it an important quality, so up your nose.  When I see someone (whether it's online or IRL) doing or saying something harmful, I speak up.  I'm not afraid to have my information or system of beliefs challenged.  I generally know what I'm talking about and I'll defend it until I'm given reasonable evidence as to why I'm wrong.

If you had the opportunity to read the first and second installments of this series (or if you're a sane, rational human being), you already know how I feel about taking extreme measures to lose weight.  Adherence over the long-term is what makes a diet/lifestyle change work in your favor, and when something is a drastic departure from your normal behavior, you are effectively decapitating your chances of success.  It's a law of human nature; we don't want to change so your best bet is to try to avoid making it obvious.  What could be a greater jump from eating a normal diet than ONLY DRINKING JUICE FOR A WEEK?  

They call it "juice fasting".  It's become popular recently thanks to a film titled "Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead" which chronicles the adventures of an obese truck driver who loses several hundred pounds by not eating and establishes a sort of "juicing cult" in his home town to help other morons lose weight through the same method.  It's almost like turning water into wine and giving sight to the blind, minus the part where they talk about vitamins and minerals and cleansing.  Gag me with a juicer, for Christ's sake.

 In all honesty, a morbidly obese person might want to lose some weight REAL god damn fast if they expect to live much longer and I'll be open-minded and say that maybe juice fasting could work, as it did for the film's protagonist, Phil.  HOWEVER, when a person of a healthy weight, without the supervision of a doctor, decides they're going to juice fast, and they do so based on the merits of a movie they saw on Netflix, they are (in my opinion) on a one-way ticket to gaining another 10lbs by the end of the year and developing an eating disorder. 

Obviously not.

It's not the element of "fasting" that makes "juice fasting" insane.  Everyone fasts, every single day of their lives.  There are (again, in my opinion) a ton of health benefits to engaging in daily intermittent fasting ala Martin Berkhan's LeanGains.  The problem is that people view juicing as a means to quick and effortless weight loss, irrespective of exactly *what* is being lost.  Chugging down a gallon of fruit/vegetable juice every day for a week doesn't exactly leave you with a ton of protein or fat to make any of the hormones that actually burn fat.  You waste tissue, including muscle and bone (which I hear is important to maintain as you age). While there may be some benefit to protein deprivation once in a while, there are no quick fixes and no magic pills.

Anyway, without further adieu, the aforementioned status.  This shit is INSANE.  I can't even make it up.  It's kind of long but I've highlighted the important stuff.

Juicer:  guess who lost 6 lbs and an inch in 3 days on her juice diet?! meeee! c:

Person 1: That doesn't sound healthy.

Juicer:  but it is  just look it up! thats what sold me on this whole juicing thing. its healthy and super effective.

Person 2: What's a juice diet consist of? Lol

Juicer:  welllll you just drink fresh juice 4 times a day. it fills you up, you never feel hungry, and it works super fast. but its kinda expensive. the juicer alone was 99.00

Person 2: Oh jeeze. You don't eat food?

Person 3: What she said^ do you eat?

Juicer: well for 8 days you just drink juice. and then you drop weight super fast. it doesn't sound healthy but it is. you're giving your body all the necessary vitamins and nutrients, you're just not forcing your body to digest food so it focuses on burning your fats. but in the first 5 days its cleansing your body of everything you've eaten in the previous couple days. so you're really only going without food for 3 days. and thats not too bad.

Person 4: ^Technically, the juice is food. It's rich in vitamins, and essential nutrients, while the pulp provides more than a sufficient amount of fiber and roughage for the day.

Juicer: after the 8 days you go on a 75% raw food diet. meaning you eat fresh fruits and vegetables and nuts and seeds and yogurt and you can throw in some cooked pasta or bread or something.

Person 5: what do you make into juice? just fruit or everything?

Person 3: Oh okay.. lol well good luck even though I don't think you need the diet keep us updated(:

Juicer: exactly. it takes a little while for your stomach to get used to digesting solid foods again so you have to start light and work your way back to heavier foods. but the whole idea is to not go back to eating so much heavy food so often. you're kinda retrainging your body. you need fruits and vegetables. like greens and things with fiber like pears and apples. i feel really good and very energetic. i'm happier in general.

Juicer: (to person 3) thanks! people keep telling me this but i'm doing it for me. its not just for the weightloss, its really healthy and makes me feel good.

Person 5:  could you send me a condensed list of how you go about this diet? ive been trying to switch over to healthier foods since i found out all the shit it food.

16 hours ago · Like

Juicer: well, my boyfriend watched the documentary "fat sick and nearly dead" and told me about it and it interested me. its on netflix. then i bought a book called "the complete idiots guide to juice fasting" it has diet plans and recipes. not just juice recipes but recipes for the 75% raw food diet also. its not hard, you just have to make sure you get fruits and vegetables in every juice and something green. i use spinach or kale. also you're supposed to drink 4 32oz juices a day. but not if you have to force yourself. they're very filling and i find it hard to drink a whole 32oz drink at one time. its also good to drink a lot of water.

Juicer: and if you don't mind the diluted taste you can do 16oz of water and 16oz of juice and its just as effective.

Juicer: btw person 5, i rang up your mom the other day at work. i dunno if she told you  lol

Person 5: i guess ill go torrent that right now. thank you very much

Person 5: yeah she told me (• ◡ •)

Person 6: Why not just exercise? And eat a protein rich diet so while your burning fat through exercise your also gaining muscle and a healthy figure, not that you don't already have a healthy figure which is why I find your dieting redicuous

Juicer: well, there are a ton of reasons why i picked juicing. the main reason is that its not hard to stick with. its a lot faster than working out and eating right. also, i don't have to count calories. its easy. not saying that i don't plan on exercising after the fast, because i do, its just not advised to exercise while fasting. also, juicing cleanses your body and retrains your cravings. so in a way i am eating healthy and exercising, just not for the first 8 days  lol

!!!

Person 6 (The only sane friend that this girl has): Fair enough, your goals and mine in terms of healthiness are quite different, however I have often found that the easy way is normally not the best way. Also I am still baffled at the fact that you are concerned with your form, in the first place lol

Juicer: its really healthy. people don't just do it for weight loss. its good for a lot of things. even reversing chronic illnesses. also it helps you gain weight if you need to. i read about this a lot, it intrigued me so i decided to try it out. i didn't expect to lose 6 pounds in 3 days, it just happened and I'm not mad at it haha.

16 hours ago via mobile · Like

Me: I will never understand why people believe in this cockamamie bullshit about how depriving yourself of food will turn you into a glowing ball of vigor. Vitamins and minerals facilitate all kinds of chemical reactions in the human body, but they are by and large unimportant when it comes to weight loss vs. macronutrient intake. 

Hear me out: You're a beautiful girl. You're not fat. If you're not satisfied with how you look, okay. I want to have a different body too. There are a million other ways you can change your diet and lifestyle for the better, that you can sustain for the rest of your life, that will actually change the way you look rather than simply emptying your digestive system and flushing water/sugar out of your liver and muscles. 

Seeing a smaller number on a scale satisfies the same part of your brain that is satisfied by doing a line of coke off a hooker's ass. The sheer excitement of engaging in such an extreme behavior justifies whatever end may come. Combine some lunatic telling you it's healthy with the fact that calorie deprivation increases the amount and rate at which you produce natural painkillers (endorphine) and you have an explanation as to why you feel good about what you're doing. 

I can refer you plenty of studies and plenty of anecdotes to confirm what I'm telling you; science refutes the notion that what you're doing is healthy.

So stop it. PLEASE.

Me: Oookay. If you don't see the irrationality in basing any element of your life on a movie starring a fat ex-figure skater and a morbidly obese trucker, where they magically (OMG!) lose a ton of weight by not eating, then you go for it.

Person 7 (a family member): U already have an awesome figure girl! U are a hottie, cuz  you don't need to lose weight. I know u think ur family has to say ur beautiful and all that crap but its true! U really are so don't go getting too skinny on us. Love u!

Person 8 (an idiot): Haters gon hate.

Juicer: (to me) thanks for the essay..... 

(to person 7) i won't get too skinny, just trying to get rid of my holiday weight lol.

Person 8: Omg you are being anorexic.

So unhealthy.

Allyson Robinson PLZ STOP

 IM BEGGING YOU.

Juicer: lmao i don't see why people i don't know give a shit. i'm happy and i lost an inch around my waist and hips.. i didn't ask for anyone's input and nobody is changing my mind. 

Person 8: I will pray for you........

Juicer: lmao 

Person 8: I love you and i'm happy for yaaa!

Person 2: I've seen this diet before! Sounds awesome. Let me know how it goes(:

Person 9: Why are you even on a diet, your perfect baby<3

Me:  I'm not saying this out of hate. I know what I'm talking about, I'm going to school for nutrition science. I study it formally and independently on a daily basis. I wrote you an essay because I'm intelligent and educated enough TO write an essay. What you are doing is like pouring sugar into the gas tank of your car upon the observation of a new rattling sound, because you read on the internet that sugar fixes rod knock. Then a mechanic came by casually and said, "Uh, that's not going to work..." and your friend Allyson popped in to say, "OMG HATERS GON' HATE.".

Tchyeah.

I think it was important to include the entire thread so that you can see the reactions of other people and the rejection of any opposing ideas on the subject.  When a person embarks upon an extreme fad diet like juice fasting, they don't care about the negative implications.  They don't care what anyone else has to say on the matter, regardless of their background or relationship.  The only thing that matters is superficial and ultimately meaningless weightloss.  As long as the ego is satisfied, everything is okay.  This girl had made up her mind: a movie she saw holds more credence than the objections and reassurances of her friends and family.  Anyone who seems interested or supportive is just adding fuel to the fire.  It's really sad.

I'll get back on track and talk a little more about this later, but until then, here is a picture of some cats hanging out and relaxing after blogging.

Ah, cats.

    

Why You're Still Out Of Shape And How To Really Change Things This Year (pt.2)

In my last article, I provided you with a few tips on not driving yourself crazy with dieting as you attempt to stick to your guns and engage in a more healthful lifestyle this year.  I tried to add emphasis to the fact that a relaxed, progressive, wiggly approach to dieting is key, and that resistance training changes practically everything about what your body does with the food you put in it.  Jumping ship from the "Typical American Diet" to "Atkins/Leangains/Warrior/Vegetarianism/Veganism/Pescatarianism/etc." diet with no transitionary period will condemn you to failure unless you're the most resolute individual on the face of the earth...And let's be honest, you wouldn't need a lifestyle change if that were true.  As far as your diet goes, however bad it is right now, you'll get most of the good without the bad (unless of course you're morbidly obese and in that case, you need a doctor.)  if you simply add in some weight training.

NO, watching Dr. Oz does not count as seeking medical advice about your adiposity.

Granted, you probably already knew that you needed to exercise to get the best results from your efforts.  It's not a mind-blowing concept and you've hopefully already obtained a gym membership or have spent the money on some home workout equipment.  What you haven't done (I can almost assure you of this) is any research on the subject of weight training and exercise.  Today, I'm going to write about why you're probably screwing things up in the gym just as bad as (if not worse than) you were with your new diet...and how you can fix it at your next session.

You are training like a bodybuilder without the requisite strength to make any real progress.

You don't care about how strong you are.  Guys that go to the gym to show off how strong they are are just douchebags anyway.  Besides, there's always someone stronger.  You just want to get jacked/cut/toned, build some muscle, and you know EXACTLY how to do it.  You read in a magazine/heard from a friend/a trainer at the gym that the only way to get swole is to pump out the reps, making sure not to max out or overtrain.  Really try to isolate the muscle, really try to FEEL the contraction.  Never jerk the weight around and make sure you wear your lifting gloves, so you don't get callouses.

He's so toned.

While I'm very glad that you're even in the gym, you've been benching 35lb dumbbells (with half the range of motion) for the past six months (OR LONGER) and you look barely any different compared to when you started.  You never break a sweat and you're always talking to someone about being "on creatine and protein." as though they're some kind of drug combination.  You NEVER squat or deadlift in fear of hurting yourself but you bench with a false grip, oblivious to the fact that you could slip and drop the bar on your neck at any moment.  You've never read a book on weight training but you're in the gym every day curling in the squat rack.  I'm sorry, but you're never going to look like Brad Pitt if you don't man up and actually lift something.  

DOUCHEBAG

Like practically every other person in your gym (and in America), you're clueless and you're afraid of working hard unless there's money involved.  The messed up part is that you think that it's okay, that you'll make progress anyway.  Regarding a small percentage of human beings, you are probably right, but you're overweight/underweight/have never picked up a barbell and pretending you're Arnold Schwarzenegger for much longer than a few weeks/months of lifting is going to screw you out of achieving whatever potential you may have.  Allow me to explain why.

First, let's compare three types of strength athletes and how they primarily train by manipulating repetitions/time under tension, sets (volume) and intensity (weight lifted):

• Powerlifters focus on developing maximal demonstrable strength (1 rep maximum).  The entire goal is to go to a meet, put up the heaviest weight you possibly can in the bench press, deadlift and squat for 1 repetition, and call it a day.  This is achieved mostly by training with low repetitions/time under tension (1-5 reps) for many sets (3-12) with heavy weight (between 75-95% of a 1 rep maximum).  Because the weight used is so close to the lifter's max, this style of lifting builds neurological adaptations that allow more muscle fibers to engage (and engage harder) in an instant but because the time under tension is lower, it does not stress the tensile and metabolic components of the muscle in the same capacity as it does the nervous system.  The gain in fluidic sarcoplasmic muscle mass (storage of water, sugar and fat within the muscle) does not occur as quickly as it could although there is significant development of the functional part of the muscle, (the myofibril) and connective tissue as well as bone.  Because a larger muscle is a stronger muscle, most lifters will engage in bodybuilding throughout the year as well.  This ensures maximal strength gains.     
• Bodybuilders/physique and fitness models train primarily to increase muscular size and shape.  The goal of their lifting regimen is aesthetic (although classic bodybuilders also performed feats of strength at their competitions).  Typical routines split muscle groups up between workouts (ie. chest, back, legs) and the repetitions/time under tension are higher (8-12+ reps) while the sets are fewer (3-6).  The weight used is lighter (between 60-80% of a 1 rep max) and multiple exercises are performed each workout that engage the musculature from various angles (i.e. flat, incline and decline bench press).  Isolation movements are also common, as well as techniques to increase local muscular fatigue to elicit the greatest hypertrophy response.  This style of lifting is more metabolic than it is neurological.  The depletion of sugar, fat and water within the muscle during the lengthy sets, combined with stretching of the muscle tissue and finally replenishment with food/water post workout, lends to an increase in sarcoplasmic volume, which equates to visible/superficial muscle mass.  Myofibril density barely increases and maximal strength gains come more slowly.  Because a stronger muscle is a larger muscle, most bodybuilders spend a considerable amount of time developing strength in their early careers, allowing them to lift more weight for more reps and maximize sarcoplasmic hypertrophy when they become competitive.
• Olympic weightlifters share many similarities with powerlifters (Olypmic lifting is highly dependent upon being able to engage as much muscle as possible in an instant, just like powerlifting), but their sport is more skill oriented than powerlifting.  The two Olympic lifts, the snatch (where a barbell is brought from the floor to overhead in one movement) and the clean/jerk (where the bar is 'cleaned' to the shoulders and then 'jerked' overhead) require impeccable focus on technique to maximize the weight lifted.  There is also a great potential for injury when executing these lifts, so repetitions are kept at a minimum (1-3) for many sets (10-12) and training sessions can last hours to ensure complete recovery between sets.  Because movement speed and technical perfection dictate whether a lift is successful or not, the weight lifted in training is typically lighter than a powerlifter would work with (between 50-85% of a 1 rep maximum) and maximum attempts are saved for competition or performed rarely.  Since the lifts are usually done and over with in under two seconds, there is little time under tension or sarcoplasmic hypertrophy potential.  Because a stronger muscle is a larger muscle, and a larger muscle is a stronger muscle, as well as the fact that a stronger muscle is a faster muscle, Olympic weightlifters often engage in bodybuilding and powerlifting too.
    

Powerlifter vs. bodybuilder.

Clearly, these guys that make it their priority to "show off how strong they are" are oftentimes just as muscular as the guys who don't give a rat's ass, and as I will explain below, EVERY bodybuilder you look up to is brutally strong and could throw you and your entire family over their heads.  You have to understand that there is no way to separate strength from size.  Additionally, while the manipulation of sets, reps and load is different between each style, there is one more factor each shares that needs to be discussed in isolation:  progressive overload.  To continue to elicit neurological strength or muscular hypertrophy adaptations, the stimulus (reps, sets, weight) must progressively increase. 

Thus, a bodybuilder curling 65lbs for 8 reps and 6 sets must eventually curl:

• 70lbs for 8 reps and 6 sets
• 65lbs for 9 reps and 6 sets
• 65lbs for 8 reps and 7 sets etc.

So while you may not be concerned with how much weight you can lift for one repetition, you must still get stronger within the appropriate repetition and set range, as often as possible, to keep growing.  If your maximum bench press for 1 repetition is 135lbs and you can hit 8 reps for 5 sets at 110lbs, by gradually increasing the number of reps to 12 and sets to 8, you will probably add another 5lbs onto your bench press maximum.  You will have gotten stronger by virtue of adding sarcoplasmic volume and improving the muscles ability to utilize stored carbohydrate.  This could happen over the course of a couple weeks if you're training on a body part split.  You would then take things a step farther and subsequently move up to 115lbs for 8 reps, 5 sets.  Now you're stressing the myofibril and in six weeks, you could increase your max bench to 145lbs, pump out 12 reps for 8 sets at 120lbs, and add a couple lbs of lean mass to your frame.  This is the bodybuilder approach to weightlifting.

You may ask then, "What's wrong with that?" Well, consider this:

• Most of the bodybuilders/models you aspire to look like can bench 300-500lbs for 6-12 repetitions.  You're about at a minimum 200lbs off from being able to come even CLOSE to the muscularity they possess.  For example, watch the video on the left where Ronnie Coleman (eight-time Mr. Olympia) benches 495 for 6 reps.  
• Many of them (including Arnold Schwarzenegger) were successful powerliters and Olympic lifters before they became bodybuilders.  Through years of developing maximal strength, they had a great base of dense myofibril muscle tissue upon which they could now build sarcoplasmic hypertrophy.
• Most novice weightlifters following a basic strength template can add 20-40lbs onto their lifts each month for a period of 6-12 months or longer.  It could initially take you up to TWO YEARS to achieve the same strength training with high reps, if you ever get there at all.  You won't look too shabby, you may appear toned (as long as you aren't too fat) but you will be small and weak. 

What it comes down to is this: a guy @ 5'10" benching 225 (a 250lb 1RM) for 3 reps will have a more developed upper body than a guy @ 5'10" benching 155x8 (a 200lb 1RM).  No matter how many sets the second guy pops off with 155, no matter how much fluid he stores in his muscles, he will never achieve the density and size of the stronger fellow.  If you are weak for your height and weight, you will look weak and there's no way to hide it.  Focusing on high repetitions without developing your maximal strength is only going to take you so far.  Putting strength first will take you 90% of the way and then you can worry about the details.

Typical "bodybuilder".

"Okay.  So what do I do then?"

After all of that, the answer should seem pretty obvious.  It's REALLY simple:  Stop acting like a bodybuilder for now, because it's just an act, fool.  We can all tell that you're new.  That Greg Plitt physique is a couple years off but you'll probably have a decent shot at getting there if you can change your mindset (for now).  First thing's first: No more chest/biceps/triceps/whatever day.  That kind of routine will work much better when you're strong, for reasons I have already elaborated upon.  That isn't to say that you should drop isolation movements and bodybuilding entirely, but the bread and butter of your early lifting should involve your entire body and be comprised of compound movements that utilize multiple joints like:

• Bench press
• Squat
• Leg press
• Deadlift
• Overhead press
• Row
• Chin ups
• Pull ups
• Pull downs      

Next time you go to the gym, pick an upper body and lower body movement (i.e. overhead press and leg press) and do just those two exercises plus a triceps pushdown and a leg curl (or whatever you feel like!)  As far as repetitions and sets go, a great place to start is with 5 sets of 5 ala StrongLifts.  Just hit up the gym, work up to a challenging weight that you can perform 5 times, do it 4 more times, move onto the next exercise, do the same, pop out a few isolation movements utilizing a higher rep range to get a pump, get out of the gym in less than an hour, BOOM.  It may not sound glamorous, but it's as simple as that.  If you don't walk out of the gym feeling thrashed, that's great:  there is no reason your workouts should become a psychological stressor and soreness does not always indicate a good workout.  PROGRESSING TO A HEAVIER WEIGHT SHOULD BE YOUR NUMBER ONE CONCERN.  If you can leave the gym feeling fresh as a daisy and still add 5lbs to the bar your next workout, you're doing it right.
     

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER.  It's as simple as that.

Now that I've touched on diet and training, for the next installment we'll talk about setting realistic goals and the veritable avalanche of problems you'll face (and have to overcome) as you start to get your act together.  Until then, I'm starving.

Why You're Still Out Of Shape And How To Really Change Things This Year (pt 1.)

I'm sure you've seen this puppy - whether on Facebook or at your local gym, the phenomenon is as real as it is hilarious.

Boromir really hit the Orc in the head, with a sword.

But take a moment to stifle your giggling and reflect:  Are you guilty of the same infraction?  At the conclusion of every year, without fail, you resolve to change some aspect of your life.  You call it a "resolution"; a declaration to shift your health/fitness/love life/career, etc. towards a new paradigm.  While it merits a status update or justifies a banal conversation between you and a co-worker, it ends up scrapped like most other promises you make.  In perfect form, after a few days/weeks of blistering effort, you miss a workout, spend the next month sitting on your ass eating cupcakes and tell yourself it's okay to fail because it was too hard.  You give up.  "Nobody sticks to their New Years resolutions anyway.".

This self-deprecating group mentality, looking at underachievement as the norm, blaming extraneous factors for a lack of success, might make you FEEL better (temporarily)...But it doesn't get rid of your pot belly or your back aches.  It doesn't inure you with the self-esteem and motivation to enter that 5K.  It doesn't actually make anything better and before you know it, it'll be December (again) and you'll go through the same vicious cycle (again).  You could blame it on laziness but you work a full-time job and you're raising a family.  You could blame it on a lack of time, but you spend every weekend playing Call of Duty and watching movies.  You could even blame it on a lack of direction, but you've read about and tried every routine out there, from the 300 workout to P90X.  What's the REAL problem?  What's really preventing you from getting into shape?

In this series, I will share some of what's kept me on the right track over the past several years and offer you some tips on how you can set a course for winds of fortune.

Ignore this stuff and you've effectively decapitated your chances of success.

You approach your diet TOO aggressively and TOO strictly.

Yep.  That's right.  It's not the diet, it's not the workout, it's not your genetics, and it's not your lack of work ethic.  You're just too eager!  You want your six pack now.  You can't wait to hand out tickets to the gun show.  You go hard, instantly jumping into a five-days-a-week, two-hour-a-session bodybuilding program.  As a compliment to your change in activity, you start logging your food and embark upon a 1500 calorie diet that drops every food you love in favor of protein shakes and ground beef, and you make sure NEVER to cheat.  The weeks progress and almost out of nowhere, you stop losing weight and you begin to feel like someone hit you in the face with a shovel.  You miss chest day (NOOO!).  Before you know it, you break down and allow yourself a doughnut...Or two...Or the whole box.  Whatever; you tried your hardest and you weren't cut out for it.  You'll be fat forever now.  Time to hit up the couch and chug a 2 liter of soda.  Right?  NOPE.

Your effort is commendable, but you bit off more than you chew.  It's time to TAKE A BREAK.  Get your head straight and consider implementing some of these habitual changes that can make your diet less maddening:

• Forget about diet for a second.  EXERCISE CHANGES EVERYTHING.  I know, that may seem contradictory but hear me out: say you just spent the past five years gaining 50lbs eating and living the way you were.  Worst-case scenario, if you'd gained that 50lbs while lifting weights 3x/week (rather than sitting on your ass), you could be looking at an extra 20lbs of muscle on your frame.  You'd be buff rather than fluffy and you'd probably be stronger than most people you know.  Take that into consideration and the idea of undergoing an extreme diet should seem absurd.  By adding exercise into the equation, the food you eat (good or bad) will be used to fuel either muscle growth, strength gains or fat loss.  If you aren't lifting weights a few times a week, start TODAY.  If you are, then you're in a great position to begin a diet and either gain some size or lose some weight without much worry.  However, the diet has to facilitate your activity levels (and vice versa) so you need to know where to start.
• Look at your normal diet objectively and make gradual changes.  While it's probably true that you need to make better decisions as far as food goes, you can't force a square peg into a round hole.  You should begin with substitutions and minor alterations rather than doing a complete 180 on your diet.  If you drink four cans of Mt. Dew every day, try drinking three.  If you eat breakfast, try substituting eggs and bacon w/ toast rather than a bowl of cereal.  Put less sugar in your coffee.  If dinner usually consists of a lb of spaghetti and a meat sauce, start eating a big fat steak in place of the meat sauce and cut the pasta serving in half.  If you don't like steak, fine, have chicken.  Try to eventually replace the pasta with a big serving of a vegetable you can tolerate.  At lunch time, instead of ordering a triple cheeseburger with fries and a coke, stick with just the burger.  The key to this whole thing is make gradual changes to how you eat so that you can adhere for the long term, without starving yourself or going crazy from detachment.  Food deprivation is an emotional trigger for a lot of us, and that brings me to my second point.
• Have a cheat weekend.  There are physiological and psychological benefits to overeating on a diet.  If you're at the point where you're eating healthy, losing weight, and feeling great but you miss going out for pizza and ice cream, it's time to start having planned cheat days.  You may feel as though you're fudging your diet, but overeating for a few days will actually speed up your metabolism and accelerate fat loss.  If you PLAN to overeat, you'll feel liberated and in control.  There's no reason you have to go overboard and you probably won't; the implication of having a vacation from the diet will make it easier to say "No thanks." throughout the week.  Speaking of which, if you just can't control yourself and you end up scarfing down an entire lasagna...
• Don't beat yourself up.  You may have just eaten your entire weeks calories in one day, but if you make it into a negative thing, if you use it as an excuse to fail, you'll never achieve your goals.  Instead, allow yourself to enjoy the food and get back on the horse the next day.  Don't worry about doing anything drastic to make up for it the next day either; changing your body will take months, if not years, and one day is only a drop in the bucket.  There's no need to exercise more, go on a juice fast, chop off a limb...Just relax and live your life.

 In the next installment, I'll talk more about exercise/activity levels and how most of us are completely missing the point when we go to the gym.  Carry on, wayward son.  

Being human

Look at that!

I had the pleasure of going on a hike in the Weeki Wachee Preserves, only a few miles from my home, with my good friends Malcolm, John, Jen, Laura and her dog Raven.  It was a lot of walking, a lot of running, some climbing, but it was liberating.  Being out there among the birds and the bees allowed me to express myself in a way that is impossible anywhere else.  The constraints of society are many, and they are heavy, but as we reached the top of a hill to enjoy the view (the image above), my mind began racing.  I'd like to share some of what I was thinking about:

• Walking a fresh path with your legs exposed, the grass scraping at your shins, can be quite stressful.  In my head, I imagined all the other people and animals that have walked this same path and endured the whip of the weeds to reach their destination.  As the path becomes more common to walk, by virtue of the dedication of others, the stress is lessened; the vegetation wilts.  I began to consider and appreciate how this applies to other aspects of life.  Everything we do is easier because other people have done it.  Every time someone attempts to travel off the beaten path, whether they reach the end or not, we owe them respect for even trying.
• To that end, as strong as I've become over the past year and a half, I am still fragile.  My skin does not appreciate with exposure to the flora and I was covered in rash by the time we were done.  The great thing about hiking, though, is that if you're moving, the itchiness kind of goes away.  So I kept moving!  Nevertheless, I am looking forward to adapting to the environment on my next outing.  
• I've always loved climbing and being up high.  I had the opportunity to climb a relatively shallow face, get dirty and test the functional value of the training I've been doing to improve my strength in the gym.  Time and time again, I have been asked what the point of it all is and that's it:  I can do pretty much anything a human being should be able to do, and I can do it well.  I felt like a child scurrying up the rocks.  I felt awakened!  Later on, Malcolm and I ran together and I got to test my cardiovascular fitness.  All is well and I'm pleased to confirm that you don't need to spend hours on a treadmill each week to be able to run like a motherfucker. 
• All creatures, from humans to dogs to wasps to deer, just wanna have fun and sit on a hill. 

Darkness fell and we walked back to the entrance.  I was very sore this morning, as I had also done a bench/deadlift workout yesterday morning before the hike, but I slept like a fuckin' baby and I can't wait to go back.  My little brother wants to start doing some cardio so hopefully he won't mind sprinting through a wetland with me.  Thanks for reading!